CHAIRMAN

(spoken) Ladies and gentlemen, brethren and sinners all! I call upon our Goddess of the Virtues to give us her well known rendition of the old school song -- Oom-Pah-Pah!

NANCY

(spoken) All right, shut up, you lot! A bit of culture now! 'Ere we go...

(sung) There's a little ditty
They're singing in the city
Espeshly when they've been
On the gin
Or the beer
If you've got the patience,
Your own imaginations
Will tell you just exactly what you want to hear...

ALL

Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
That's how it goes,
Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
Ev'ryone knows.

NANCY

They all suppose what they want to suppose
When they hear...oom-pah-pah!!

Mister Percy Snodgrass
Would often have the odd glass --
But never when he thought anybody could see.
Secretly he'd buy it,
And drink it on the quiet,
And dream he was an Earl
Wiv a girl on each knee!

CUSTOMERS AND NANCY

Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
That's how it goes.
Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
Ev'ryone knows...

NANCY

What is the cause of his red shiny nose?
Could it be...oom-pah-pah!?

Pretty little Sally
Goes walking down the alley,
Displays her pretty ankles to all of the men.
They could see her garters,
But not for free-and-gratis--
An inch or two, and then she knows
When to say when!

ALL

Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
That's how it goes.
Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
Ev'ryone knows...

NANCY

Whether it's hidden, or whether it shows --
It's the same...oom-pah-pah!
She was from the country,
But now she's up a gum-tree --
She let a feller feed 'er, then lead 'er along
What's the good o' cryin'?
She's made a bed to lie in
She's glad to bring the coin in,
And join in this song!

ALL

Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
That's how it goes!
Oom-pah-pah!Oom-pah-pah!
Ev'ryone knows.

NANCY

She is no longer the same blushing rose
Ever since ... oom-pah-pah!

(spoken) Altogether now!

NANCY
(sung) There's a little ditty
They're singing in the city
Espeshly when they've been
On the gin
Or the beer
If you've got the patience,
Your own imaginations
Will tell you just exactly what you want to hear...

COMPANY
Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
That's how it goes,
Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
Ev'ryone knows.
They all suppose what they want to suppose
When they hear...oom-pah-pah!!


ALL

Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
That's how it goes,
Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!
Ev'ryone knows.

NANCY

They all suppose what they want to suppose
When they hear...oom-pah-pah!!

ALL

Oom-pah-pah!